Long distance relationships may come with more problems than you have ever imagined. Maybe you start to overthink your issues, and everything looks like it is 100 times bigger than it is. Problems exist in every relationship, and it doesn’t matter if you are close or very far apart.
Usually, love makes people not think about what’s wrong. Everything is a joy, but when it comes the time for the relationship being long distance, there are some issues of that you should be aware.
1 – To much space
Having space is essential. You are an independent human being who needs time alone now and then. In a long distance relationship, you go from being with that person almost every day to, maybe… Sometimes even you don’t know when it will be the next time you will see each other. Both of you get busy with your lives, and you have things to do that can’t wait.
In the beginning, you talk a lot because it’s something new. It’s a different world from what you were used to. You talk about what’s going on, what was your lunch, how much you wish you were with each other.
Then, routine kicks in. The questions asked are always the same, talking about lunch isn’t funny anymore and talking about how much you wish you were together, makes you sad.
Things start to change, and you begin to…
2 – Overthinking
Things change, and it is inevitable. Life goes ways you never imagined.
At this point even little things make the bells ring in your head. Imagine this picture: usually you chat at a certain hour of the day. Let’s say, 6 pm. That’s the relationship’s unspoken rule. Your lover suddenly has a last time schedule change and doesn’t let you know that because there is no time. These things may cross your mind: He is with another woman!; He is cheating on me!; He doesn’t care about me!.
You get jealous, angry and every single possibility of what can be happening crosses your mind.
Then, you try to call him, and his phone is off. At this point this conclusion is inevitable: He is cheating!
Calm down. You are overthinking. He just had a last minute meeting.
3 – Jealousy & Other fears
Say you are talking with the love of your life who is very far away and he tells you he just made a new friend. Your brain gets in “alert mode” and goes “What?”.
Then jealousy makes you start asking questions: Who is she?; How did you meet?; When did you meet?; Am I not enough for you?!
And all hell breaks loose.
You get jealous because he is not with you, he isn’t giving you his time because he his with someone else, and you don’t know who that person is. At least that’s what you think.
Anyone can’t steal your boyfriend if he loves you. You have to trust him at all times, or all of your fears can become a problem impossible to solve.
4 – Being trapped
In long-distance relationships, it is normal for someone to feel trapped. It is something that happens naturally. You have new friends, new hobbies, things to do. As it was said before, sometimes there is an unspoken rule about what time of the day you’ll talk to each other.
Your friends invite to go out but you love someone, and you want to be as close as possible, and that means being there at that time. You feel trapped by someone you love and unhappy because you are not enjoying a night out with friends.
If you went out with your friends, you would feel guilty. If your lover doesn’t come up to chat with you, it would feel like wasting your time staying home.
It’s a dilemma you deal with every single day and the overthinking kicks in.
5 – Asymmetric Effort
You made an effort to do everything right. You were there to chat, to understand his problems, to give him support and it seems like he doesn’t see it.
In every relationship, people care about each other. Usually, the more you like someone, the more you care, but sometimes people settle. They think “It’s fine. I don’t have to do anything more than what I am doing.”, The other person may think they are being under appreciated. That’s when the problems begin. You start getting sad, and you start to think “What am I doing with him?”. You get mad, start a fight and everything escalates to something a thousand times worse than it was.
6 – Loneliness
You want to talk to someone but your best friend is busy, and your lover doesn’t pick up the phone. You are in a different place, and you don’t know anyone with whom you can talk. You know you feel down, and the only thing that could make you feel better is a tight hug that you can’t get right now.
You start to feel lonely. We are social species that need to be with other people, people we love. Physical contact is one big part of relationships, but it’s not impossible to live without it. Distance is a factor but are you talking enough? That could be the first reason for loneliness. Not communicating enough, your partner not giving you attention, not being able to talk in crucial moments, and not having from your loved one to hold can make you feel alone and not connected at all with the person you love the most in this world.
Not having anything to hold on to can make you start rethinking everything about your long distance relationship. You begin to think that maybe you should start to do something different with your life, something that brings you joy to make you feel less lonely. If your partner does the same, you begin to drift apart. When you notice it, it could be already too late to save the relationship.
7 – Ghosting
It usually happens when your lover wants to break up and doesn’t know how. Often there are no signs that something is about to happen. You send a text, try to call, and there is no answer from the other side. Eventually, something “clicks” in your head and you conclude that you have been ghosted. Unless you go physically after the person, there is nothing you can do about it.
8 – Possessiveness
Imagine this scenario: you have been apart for some time, and your partner starts asking questions such as “What are you doing?” “Who are you talking to?” “Are you working or talking to someone other than me?”
You start to get uncomfortable and start to feel like you are being controlled by the person you love the most in this world. Of course, if these questions are asked sporadically, you don’t have to worry about anything. But if this becomes a constant in your relationship you should be aware that it is becoming possessiveness. It can happen because your lover is just overthinking or he/she may have stopped trusting you. In either situation you need to take a step back an have an honest conversation. Define a new set of rules and boundaries because the ones you had are clearly not working.
If your partner becomes violent over you either with words or actions, you may consider to block them in your social media and change your phone number if they don’t stop coming after you.