You stopped loving your partner and enjoyed its company and breaking up start to sound like a good option. It’s one of those times where it’s easier said than done. You think and think about how you can do it without any trouble at all, but nothing comes to mind because there is a problem you can’t solve: breaking your partner’s heart.
Breakup are difficult. You are dealing with the feelings of two people: yours and your partner. It will never be easy and great. You have to do your best and hope that everything goes “less bad.”. Here are some tips to help you in this time of indecision:
1. Give it a chance to work out the issues
Before ending a relationship for good, you should give a chance for you and your partner to solve your problems. Don’t tell your boyfriend/girlfriend that it is it. Instead, have a conversation about what you think can be improved in the relationship, your concerns, and dissatisfactions. Your job is to communicate and let your partner know what you think and how you feel. The final decision may not be mutual, but you did your best for the break up not to happen.
2. Take time to make sure if this is what you want
Some decisions can be made in the spur of a moment. If something serious happens, your first thought may be to end the relationship. Think about what happened, and if there is anything you can do to solve it.
Take your time to be sure if breaking up is what you want. It is a big decision, and it may cause you to regret in the future if not done for the right reasons.
3. Make it a clean break & keep it short
Breakups are uncomfortable. If you ever have broken up with someone you know it is hard to be straightforward. No one wants to hurt the person they love.
Use the words “I’m breaking up with you” so there is no room for doubts in your partner’s mind. He/she has to know exactly what is going on.
When you do it, be honest about why you are doing it. Don’t say any cliché like “It’s not you, it’s me.”. Everyone knows that it is not true. The truth is: the other person has something that you don’t like.
Tell your partner in simple words the truth because whatever you might say it will break his/her heart.
4. Consider the logistics
The worst part of the break up is the logistics. If you are in a long-term relationship and living together, you have to figure out where to go after the break-up, and how you will you divide your belongings.
If you are not living together, try to choose a neutral spot. Pick a place where you can talk without being interrupted and most importantly, don’t do it in public especially if you know that your partner is a sensitive person. There may be crying, screaming, shouting and at last, public humiliation if you do it in the wrong place.
Don’t say “let’s go out together” either. If you go pick up your partner by car (and vice-versa), it will be a long ride home for both of you if you return together. It can be even worse if the one without the car is left alone.
5. Be kind but strict
Keep in mind that you are breaking a person’s heart and that is punishment enough. Don’t be rude and definitely don’t use “ghosting” as an alternative for breaking up. Be as kind as you can be but at the same time be strict. Don’t let your partner’s words change your mind and if he/she tries to hold you, say no and keep some physical distance. Don’t allow room for any attempt for your partner to try and get you back.
6. Don’t offer to be their support system
Seeing someone in a bad place makes you want to hold and cuddle them until everything is ok. You being “the bad one” in this situation will make you feel guilty, but you are not the right person to help he/she going through this.
You are not the person your ex needs on the hard times, and you are the wrong person to make he/she move on.
Both of you are going through a tough period, and you need your own support system away from the “thing” that made you unhappy.
7. Prepare for the worst
When breaking up with someone, you have to stay true to yourself but never forgetting about the other person. Being rude, inappropriate and saying things that you will never be able to take back are things to avoid.
Be kind and be ready for some tears and screaming. If you are breaking up with someone who has the potential to be violent, take the necessary precautions to preserve your integrity.
8. Keep focused
When you make a decision in life, you have to keep your focus to meet your goal. Some things can distract you, but it is your job to make your path as smooth as possible.
This decision is just like any other one except its goal is more difficult to achieve. There are feelings involved not to mention another person.
When you make your decision, first of all, be sure that is the right one. Then think about how will you concretize it. Fall out of love in your mind first.
The mind has great power over our bodies and, if we let it, over our hearts as well. If you are convinced that you no longer love that person, it’s easy to break up. Of course, this is probably a lie you are telling yourself, but if it helps you come out of a situation where you aren’t happy, it’s ok to say a lie to yourself.
When breaking up with someone, don’t be impulsive. That never goes well. Take time to think about what you are doing, how your partner will react to your words. Take advantage of the knowledge you have from the other person. Use it to make things go as smoothly as possible. Of course, there are no perfect breakups unless they are mutual and the couple sees what is wrong and recognizes there is nothing they can do about it. In any case, hearts are left broken, and pain is all over the place. Be kind and never take your words back.